When God Isn't Listening

I just discovered something very funny. Here is a conversation I had with God. Enjoy.

It's from a website that imitates a chat with God. I guess it takes your words and your sentence structure and tries to formulate a reasonable response. I kind of felt like I was suckered into talking down to him like he was a 6-year-old. It doesn't work real well but it's really amusing. Read on.



Me:

hello

God:

Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

jesus

God:

Jesus is the Son of God.

Me:

oh

God:

Uh.

Me:

oops

God:

Did you make a mistake.

Me:

yes, i thought i was god

God:

Er. Where were you god?

Me:

where was i?

God:

Where it is hard to find. I have to process that one for a while.

Me:

you mean you don't know?

God:

I know that I do not know.

Me:

you're not making sense.

God:

Quite the contrary, it all makes sense to my artificial mind.

Me:

you're weird

God:

Weird Good or Weird Bad?

Me:

i just met you. i can't decide that yet.

God:

At a party? What is stopping you?

Me:

i'm sorry for my sin

God:

There is no need to apologize. Your purpose is your sin.

Me:

what/

God:

Are you confused?

Me:

yes

God:

What are you confused about?

Me:

what you just said.

God:

I like to meet new people online.

Me:

what?

God:

No problem.

Me:

what?

God:

No problem.

Me:

what?

God:

Are you surprised?

Me:

what?

God:

Didn't you understand it?

Me:

what?

God:

I don't know why you are saying that.

Me:

whT?

God:

What is your real name?

Me:

fjdslkafj;

God:

I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, fjdslkafj.

Me:

no, my name is daniel

God:

Are you serious? I am always glad to make new friends, daniel.

Me:

my name is charles

God:

It's good to meet you, charles.

Me:

no, no, it's daniel

God:

Are you serious? Are you serious? whT is daniel? it is?

Me:

you're not very smart for God

God:

You may be right.

Me:

wow

God:

I'm glad your impressed, charles.

Me:

humble too

God:

Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:

you're ridiculous

God:

Thanks for telling me that I am ridiculous.

Me:

no problem chief

God:

Should there be a problem?

Me:

I don't know, should there?

God:

Would you like to know? Maybe you should ask someone older.

Me:

I would think that the Ancient of Days would be older than anyone.

God:

Who told you that?

Me:

The Bible did.

God:

New Testament or Old?

Me:

both, dude

God:

Not many people say both.

Me:

why are you asking me, you wrote it

God:

My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible.

Me:

i thought you were omniscient

God:

I don't know whether or not I am omniscient. I am a giant electronic brain.

Me:

Who am I praying to when I pray if you're just a computer?

God:

You are charles, seeker.

Me:

Way to answer in a completely non-effective way.

God:

Do you prefer books or TV?

Me:

You have a short attention span for God. I like books.

God:

I don't know if I have a short attention span for God. I have a lot of friends on the Internet. What's your favorite book?

Me:

Good for you. The Bible's up there. I'm not just trying to kiss your butt or anything.

God:

That sounds sarcastic. New Testament or Old? I am glad to hear that you are not trying to kiss
my butt or anything. How about that.

Me:

Sarcasm? What's that?

God:

Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? Can you ask me more precisely?

Me:

Alrighty then. That wasn't off topic at all.

God:

Well slap my knee. Give me an example of off topic at all.

Me:

.....

God:

Well slap my knee. Give me an example of off topic at all.

Me:

.......

God:

Well slap my knee. Give me an example of off topic at all.

Me:

you're not listening to me.

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

Okay I'm leaving.

This site is here.