Reflection on the Past Few Years - Introduction

I don’t know about you, but I’ve gone through a lot of stages in my life where my beliefs have taken dramatic changes in course. By changes in belief, I mean significant adjustments in thinking and/or behavior as they relate to God, religion, and spirituality. These changes are acquired largely through interaction with others within the context of the church and, perhaps more significantly, through personal study, solitude, struggle, and sin where much of the real meat of life resides, waiting to be experienced. What I mean is that for me, while much of these “changes” were induced by contact with other Christians and personal relationships, so much of my own spiritual direction has taken its cues from great amounts of time spent alone, in prayer or in thought; or, as I have come to discover about myself, from my own sins and immaturity. I mean to discuss those changes which were beneficial, but also those that were detrimental. A lot of the changes have often been fueled by pride or by critique of others. The most significant changes, however, have been for the better and in the direction of growth.

The times of immaturity (which I still go through all the time) are laced with pride and idealism, and are greatly characterized by some serious plank-speck problems. This is where I criticize others and point out the flaws I see (probably most of which are good observations), but in doing so I overlook my own defects (which are legion) and downplay them by pointing out the admittedly more glaring (or at least more public) errors and sins of others. I don’t know how common this is with others, but I feel like it’s a constant struggle to not fall into this trap of hypocrisy. I feel I am getting better at it, or at least I am becoming more aware of it, which I hope is a step in the right direction in terms of growing and eventually weeding out the pride.

Usually when this happens (the weeding that is), I notice more growth in maturity and in holiness. For one, as of late, I have vastly reduced the anger I experience in the car, or at least I have learned how to control it better. I drive slower (which also helps with gas mileage I might add) and am more content with not getting somewhere as fast. I, along with my culture, am obsessed with getting places faster and jamming more things into the day at lower quality than if I just paced myself and accomplished tasks at a higher quality. But I’ve learned to accept the plight of transportation in Houston, TX a little better and am not in such a rush all the time. Lest I become prideful about my humble patience, I will stop here and merely say that there have been a number of significant times where I have noticed growth like this.

In some of my following posts, I would just like to chronicle them in some way so as to perhaps provide a little perspective for myself and where I am headed, and maybe help someone to know me a little better. Much of my experiences in the past few years (generally starting around my time in college) have shaped me into who I am today, which I know is far advanced from where I started. I would just like to try and trace this path the best I can, and perhaps spur myself on into more growth as I reflect on my past. This is really more like my own personal journal of belief, so in some ways this is purely a practice in spiritual matters and not so much something I really need to share with others, but I don’t have too much reservation spilling some of this so I will broadcast it without hesitation. And just maybe it might resonate with some and cause something good to come.